As I sat this morning in the pavilion at Musana, I watched 30 or so kids sitting around on the floor playing with legos, building new things. If you know the history of some of these kids, you would know that most of them have lived with a lot of pain in their short lives, many having lost one or both parents. And if you know the history of Musana, you know it started as a reaction to another orphanage that was poorly run and severely neglecting (if not abusing) kids.
And I was overcome with emotion because of the What If question. What if Musana never started? What if these kids didn’t get the love and attention they now get from all the teachers and staff at Musana? What if Haril, Andrea and Leah all decided to ignore God’s call and never started Musana? What if they said the problem was too great? What if they said they weren’t equipped? What if they told God to find someone else?
I think one day we’re all going to be asking What If questions. When I’m old and in my deathbed, thinking back on life, what will be my *What If*s?
For many people … they’ll be asking What if they spent more time with their family? What if they had gone down a different road? What if they had been more adventurous? What if they told God yes instead of no?
Those aren’t the questions I want to ask. I want to start something new. I want to love on people no one else is loving on. I want to be banging down God’s door, inviting myself into anything He’s doing that I can get my hands on. I want to be fully invested — read: fully sacrificed into — what God’s got going on. I want to do what few people are doing. I want God to always push me and press me to do more and more, because I’m saying yes and yes.
I just finished reading Andy Stanley’s book this morning, and the final chapter is all about What If. So that question has been on my mind all day. Andy tells a few stories of people’s lives being transformed because they met God through people at North Point. And his wife asks the question: What if? What if we didn’t start North Point, almost entirely by accident? What if we didn’t quit where we were comfortable? What if we didn’t trust it all to God? What if …?
So pardon me for dreaming a little bit. Pardon me for talking with my heads in the clouds. But there’s something powerful that happens when God moves.
What if I lived my life differently?
What if I sacrificed things people don’t usually sacrifice?
What if I told God yes, when others would say no?
What if I lived asking, expecting, believing, God could author great love to people that greatly need to hear it, through me?
adapted from a journal entry on October 20, 2012 made while visiting Musana in Uganda