In my annual cycle, I’ve moved on from depression towards just dryness. A dryness really in my relationship with God. I know it’s my issue and not His. But I read the Bible, I pray and I just feel like I’m slogging through something instead of really doing something valuable. And I know in any relationship, there are mountaintops and there are valleys. There are times of unbelievable satisfaction, and other times when it’s just a slog. You just get through the season.
A couple weeks ago I was talking to a student, and he told me this long story of a bunch of crap that he’s dealing with. I knew he told me for a reason, and so I just asked him, why is it you told me all of this stuff that you don’t want to tell anyone else? And he said, AJ, I just want you to pray for me.
I prayed for him. Out loud. With him right there. That’s one of my favorite things in the world to do. And as I drove home that night, I just couldn’t stop thinking: what an honor, what a responsibility, what a privilege it is to get to pray for each other. People tell me stuff about themselves they wouldn’t tell anyone else and then they say, hey, would you pray for me?
That’s been my motivation to pray all week. I get to pray for someone just because they asked me to. And I believe, regardless of how dry emotionally it feels at times, that God uses those prayers. That God still moves. That God still acts.
I’ve been reading Psalms the last month or so in this dry spell and it’s been really good for me. It reminds me that even the greats go through dry spells. Even the greats get angry with God. Even the greats cry out to God and then come back – sometimes without feeling any better.
It’s just a feeling. An emotion I wish I didn’t have and would get rid of if I could, but I know it has nothing to do with how God and I really are. And I’ll keep doing what I normally do, I’ll keep serving the way I normally serve, and I’ll keep praying for boys I really care about.
Not because I get some emotional high from it. In this season, I feel nothing when I do. I’ll just keep steadily plodding along because I know it works, regardless of how it feels. And one day my feelings will catch up to reality. I can be patient until then.