Something I’ve been struggling with lately is how to know what I am supposed to do.
With so many options and so many paths to take — how do I know where God wants me to go?
I’ve been wrestling with a big, life-changing, audacious idea for my life. I know it would be pooh-poohed by some people. But in my gut, I think I’m called. I feel it in my bones.
So what’s the problem? Me. I think about all I’d be giving up. I think about all the reasons I could never succeed. I think about all the reasons it’s crazy. I think about all the reasons I shouldn’t go.
And yet, Saturday morning I woke up with a whole new resolve. Every now and again I feel as if God has whispered to my soul directly. Saturday was one of those days. I was gung-ho, ready to go. Then slowly reality set in.
So today I sit perplexed. What should I do? Ever been there?
I think about my trip to Uganda. How it re-awoke something deep inside of me. I was almost ready to stay. It was hot, uncomfortable, and involved way too much sunscreen and bug spray. Could I ever go and give it all up — for realsies?
Then I think about the people that really did give it up and go over there and stay. How they are being used by God. When God said Go, they just went. I wonder if they spent 9 months figuring it out first.
Then I think about my big life question lately: What if?
What if I say no to God? People say that a lot. God called and they sent it to voicemail. God moved on and did amazing things anyway, but with other people. Ouch.
What if I say no to God? What if I go to my death bed and my dying regret is what could have been, if I had said yes instead?
What if I say yes? What if it turns out to be a giant mistake?
Which mistake would I rather live with? Saying no and potentially spending the rest of my life wondering about what could have been? Or saying yes, and changing back if it turns out to be a bad decision?
In my life, all my best decisions come down to the same decision points. I feel called to something. I pursue it. Nothing stops me or hinders me from obtaining it. I keep moving as long as I keep getting green lights. When the leap of faith comes, I leap because it’s not one giant leap but the culmination of a thousand little faith-filled steps.
This is scary, internet. Pray for me.